SuckyWucky the river monster of South Jersey!
by Prof.James Moriarty
Summary: What would make an overated, overpaid ,injury prone NBA star destroy his life? Maybe? Rhymes with waitin...SATAN?


Alexandria ,New Jersey…

Jason Williams, Carla Katz and PEMAUCHSITPANNIK the demon of the Musconetcong River

I met Jason Williams after his imprisonment on February 23,2010 .He was doing five years in prison for the aggravated assault of his chauffeur Costas "Gus" Christofti. This "assault" resulted in Mr. Christofi's death from a shotgun blast to the chest. Mr. Williams had convinced two separate jury trials he was innocent and blamed his actions on his body being possessed by an ancient native American Lenni-Lenape demon spirit named PEMAAUCHSITPANNIK.

I drove up to the Riverfront State Prison in Camden where Williams was being held .The prison which was still relatively new was slated to be torn down and the valuable property used for commercial and residential development. Williams would be its last sole had received innumerable threats due to his unbelievably light sentence for the death of Christofi .The media was told Williams was in Rahway but my sources at WHXW 101.5 FM told me otherwise. My editor at WHXW thought I might be best to cover the Williams story because we ironically called the same town home (Alexandria Township). We brushed past each other during charity balls and the like ,but I can honestly say we had never so much had spoken one word to each other.

My Audi was waved through the exterior gates and I presented my credentials at the drive-up window of the interior booth."You're expected" came a steady monotone glass was so thick and dark .I guessed the voice was female but couldn't verify it."Park your car in visitor parking, leave the keys with me and proceed to building A. Warden Haas is waiting and will meet you there". I nodded and waved stupidly and did all I was told.

Warden Haas rose from his chair and greeted me warmly as I entered the first door on the right in building A. He seemed giddy and was looking forward to the 15 minutes of fame I was presumably about to present him ."How are you Miss Katz! How is Jon Corzine! You may not remember me but we were introduced at a labor conference in Trenton some years ago!" Taken aback by his comment I stammered "Warden Haas, the Governor and I parted company some time fact he's recently engaged and become partner in another investment firm" Haas blanched at this news and changed subjects immediately."Mr. Williams is in the next room over Ms 's the one we use for parole hearings and the like. He will be un-cuffed and two guards will be present as is the regulation. Good-Bye Ms Katz."The warden held the door for me as we exited and nodded in the direction of where Williams was waiting."Read a newspaper sometime" I thought as I opened the second door and sat down opposite of Jason Williams who was leaning back in his chair staring off into space. My purse was placed on the floor tightly between my legs as I removed from it a writing pad and pen."Don't you trust me Miss Katz? I'm not in here for stealing you know "he laughed and searched for approving glances from the two guards on either side of him."No Mr. Williams 'I said "I grew up in Paterson you know. Force of habit…""Yeah..Yeah…I know..little jewish girls all scared of us poor black boys until we become rich ballers. Then you can't leave us alone" With this comment , the guards did join in with nods and smiles."O.K. Jason lets get to it then shall we?"Putting on my "no b.s." bifocals I looked over their rims at Williams and began my list of questions."Are you trying to get put in some celebrity mental ward or maybe revive your long-dead spokesman career after you do your pathetic five year sentence?" With this comment I saw his face twist in rage and the "too cool for the room" Williams melt away. "You couldn't do a day here bee-ach! He screamed "I'm Jason Fucking Williams! Who the fuck are you! You fucked your way to the top!…I " With that I grabbed my notebook and purse and started toward the door."Whoa! Whoa! Carla wait!" he called swallowed deeply then cleared his throat and smiled." Now that the introductions are out of the way Ms Katz let me answer your questions…

We spent over three hours discussing his life, career heights and his subsequent fall. He was a 6'10" power forward for the N.J. Nets He was an effective rebounder and even made All Star in '97-'98.(13.6 rebounds avg. per game)He was signed to a 7 year contract for 86 million then broke his leg and shattered his knee during play. I still remember my brother-in –law Rocco Riccio weeping for his beloved Nets after that. Williams had many brushes with the law in his lifetime. He nearly shot Wayne Chrebet the Jets wide-receiver. He shot out all four tires in a security vehicle in Continental Arena He shot-gunned his Rottweiler after it lost a bet for him made with a teammate. He was known as an "angry drunk" with a history of breaking mugs over bar mates heads and having his entourage throw cash at the injured (like Sonny from the Godfather movie.)The night he killed Christofi he was drunk and constantly screamed after him"Get your shine box!"A favorite scene from Goodfellas or Scarface (he couldn't remember).Christofi maintained his dignity and did not rise to the bait which infuriated Williams. Jason was supposedly showing a prized shotgun to his guests and was not aware shells remained in the gun. He snapped it back closed and it discharged at Christofi. Guests later recounted the first words of Williams was "Oh my God MY life is over!"He dove into his swimming pool, then changed his clothes. He begged all of his guests to swear Christofi had killed himself and then called police.

After one mistrial and many lawsuits for wrongful death Williams bought himself a plea deal and settled a financial pittance for the still grieving Christofi family. Worse still…Williams seemed oblivious to the pain and horror his actions had always brought on others. Everything was seen through a prism of "his Jason Williams" pain and tribulations. It was all somebody else's fault. And to Jason Williams that somebody else was an ancient Lenni Lenape evil spirit named Pemauchsitpannik.

I drove back to my office at Fox and Fox L.L.P. From there I phoned my editor at WKXW .I told him this was going to be a short piece. The audio editors were going to have a tough time trying to make Williams sound coherent. My digital recorder worked perfectly but the problem was "what" he said not "how" he said it. My editor agreed but said maybe the morning drive time guys could use it with sound effects and give the commuters stuck on the Parkway a good laugh. I agreed then went back to my real job at Fox and Fox.

Later that same evening while driving home I tried to remember the Pemauchsitpannik legend. It was a local tale which was told to me by the mayor of Alexandria Township Harry Fuerstenberger. He had invited me and my kids to a Founders Day celebration where I was (besides Jason Williams) our towns only "celebrity". My thought was he was hoping I'd mention the towns anniversary on my next segment on 101.5 FM. Alexandria is a truly beautiful place to live. It has the lovely beauty of a rural lifestyle with all the amenities of a upper middle-class suburban town. Harry told me the town had been founded by James Alexander who was the father of revolutionary war hero Lord Stirling. James Alexander had at first befriended the local Indian tribes who called themselves the Lenni Lenape (or Delaware Indians) Their settlements were all along the Musconetcong River and the Delaware River. Alexander described them as gentle ,good-natured but terribly superstitious about animistic spirits they believed lived in the worst of these spirits they called Pemauchsitpannik or "He who lived" In their language. Pemauchsitpannik lived on strife, anger, violence , regret and despair. He would invade whole villages and not leave until he was appeased by a death. It was said he sometimes would wholly inhabit a chief, elder, shaman or someone of great influence. Through this person he would create so much anguish that it would create enough 'food' for him to spawn even more demons who would inhabit other equally powerful men or 'hosts" I asked the mayor if Alexander had put any stock in this legend. The mayor smiled and said "Well…Lets just say this township was one of the few Mid-Atlantic villages that wasn't founded on the displacement of the previous native inhabitants. They were only too glad to leave along with a fair share of black powder ,blankets and axes.""So he used their superstitious fears to cede the land to the white settlers then?"I said while sipping my Long Island IceTea.""Believe me Ms Katz..James Alexander lived a very brief and unhappy life. So if he had wronged the Lenni Lenape in any way…He was paid in kind many times over.""Harry….Tell her about what happened at the first meeting of the town council!"interjected Leonard Lance the towns congressman from Clinton Township."Why don't you tell her Leonard" said the mayor."My wife has left those linzer tarts unguarded and I'm moving in for the kill!" With that the mayor smiled, nodded good-bye and slinked off in an exaggerated tip toeing movement."Well…I'm not really that good at these historical rumors..but this one is d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s!"said Lance in his effeminate excitement."The first town council ended in a orgy! Can you believe it! There are at least a dozen descendants still living in this area. Their records have all been kept. They were Quakers and kept diaries of their daily devotionals and how what they did that day had served the Lord. Everyone of them said the first council meeting ended with them all waking up nude and in various positions! Can you believe it!"Lance laughed heartily and continued the story animating the action with his hands"They all were of course very upset by this and prayed from sun up to sun down for four days to deliver them from the evil that had invaded the village. No other incidents occurred but they began to notice conflicts between each other. Mostly husbands and wives, fiancées and recently wedded couples. Each one began accusing the other of lustful thoughts for other partners than their own! Not ACTUAL infidelity but DESIRES for infidelity! I guess Quaker-ism thinks just wanting to commit adultery is just as bad as actual adultery."Lance sipped his coffee ,took a big bite of his bagel and continued "Any who… Eventually it got so bad they decided to plant four crytomeria trees at each corner of the towns borderline, now the cryptomeria tree is believed to be able to be infused and contain the prayers of many. So the towns folks surrounded the four trees and prayed into them continuously for forty days and forty nights. Then they planted each one and left a sentry at each one to protect it until it rooted and became strong.""Why were they so afraid it would not take to being replanted" I asked "Well…I guess they thought Satan or Pemauchsitpannik would try to remove it before it became strong enough to stand on its own."Was there any recorded incidences of anything trying to kill the trees?"I said" Sure Carla…"said Lance "Lots…. The legend is skinks which are lizards native to south Jersey surrounded the trees and talked blasphemys to the trees but when they touched it they shriveled and died. So the trees made it through the first winter then there never was any trouble again.""Great story Leonard "I said "I'll use it next time my kids and I go camping." He laughed and I never thought about the legend again until my interview with Jason Williams.

As I came within the borders of Alexandria I decided to drive past Jayson Williams estate (on a lark I guess.)He had named it "Who Knew" in reference to the uninterrupted good fortune he had enjoyed until 10 or so years ago. I wound around its enormous gated expanse. It had the expected surveillance cameras and two huge brass gates at its front. Both the gates were wide open and lights shined brightly from the circular driveway within the front of the mansion. Out of curiousity. I pulled in and parked next to the dozens of very expensive vehicles. Apparently there was an estate sale going on .I could hear gavels pounding , light applause and the murmur of approval or sighs of disappointment. As I walked about the grounds I came across the obligatory Olympic sized pool, the large outdoor hot tub , the dog kennels. I ambled along as the sound of the auction grew fainter and fainter. Eventually I came to the famous Jason Williams firing was in the farthest corner of the estate. A huge stone wall was there .It was peppered with all kinds of remnants of various sizes and calibers of shells that had struck it. The empty metal casings clinked together as I walked along following the wall and touching it while I followed it to the very edge of the estate. I wondered if this was where poor Mr. Gus Christofi had died. As I came to the very edge of the estate and looked down upon an enormous pile of rotting wood. It had been so badly deformed by continuous regular discharges of gunfire, but Slowly I recognized it as a very large stump of what had been a very large tree."CRYPTOMERIA "I said out loud. I backed up out of surprise and fell back over a main root of the dead tree hidden in the darkness. Just at that moment I could hear hissing from the top of the stump as dozens of small lizards swarmed over it. I ran through the darkness back to my car and drove all the way home.

Carla Katz

Reporting for New Jersey Equivocater


End file.
